1001 Wretched Things

#993 Cleaning sunglasses

2009-05-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

When you're trying to look badass no matter the weather, sunglasses are your main man. However what is not badass is having to pause to take the time to wipe them clear of debris. The jig is up when the ladies see that you are much less appealing without the shades.

#994 Looking forward to an epic movie and it sucking

2009-05-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

I waited so long for Watchmen. From when I saw the first teaser trailer, to when I handed $9 to the pimply theater employee, I was pumped. Then it sucked. And I feel cheated of my hopes and dreams.

#995 Dry bread

2009-05-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

There's nothing worse than going to the pantry to make a tasty sandwich and having the Wonder Bread be as stale and dry as the Sahara. No mayo or delicious sandwich spread can save it.

#996 Waiting for the shower to warm up

2009-05-01T15:35:00.000-07:00

There are few things worse than standing naked and cold, hoping that the shower water will warm up before you die of hypothermia. As the seconds creep by, goose bumps form. Hair stands on end.
Stepping into the hot water almost makes it worth it.

#997 Renting a movie and having the wrong movie inside

2009-04-30T22:55:00.000-07:00

So after quickly ducking in to my friendly local Video Port and grabbing the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, I head back to my house where a group of friends are waiting. I arrive and they sigh in relief. I triumphantly open the case to throw the disc into the player and see that I'm actually holding a copy of "Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie." The night is ruined because of me.

#998 When someone depressurizes the swivel chair that you're sitting on

2009-04-30T22:46:00.000-07:00

Two reasons why this sucks:
1. Now you're lower than everyone else.
2. It requires you to stand up to fix it--completely negating why you were in the chair to begin with.

What a prick.

#999 Grabbing a dirty cup instead of a clean one

2009-04-30T22:14:00.000-07:00

You burst into the kitchen. It's a fiery inferno outside and the only thing you want more than eternal life is lemonade. After ripping the fridge door open and removing the pitcher, you reach for a glass on the counter that you thought just came out of the dishwasher. Right as you are about to pour, you notice milk residue on the bottom of the cup. Your thirst intensifies. Your day is ruined.

#1000 Dull Pencils

2009-04-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

What's worse than when you just need to get that genius idea on paper and the good ol' #2 Ticonderoga has crumpled under the pressure? Nothing.

#1001 Having to spin the pedals around on a bike in order to start riding

2009-04-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

You're out with your friends and you all decide to race bikes. As each person claims a bike, you climb onto yours. Your friends begin to ride away and you put your feet on the pedals and push. Nothing happens. You look down and realize that you need to adjust the petals in order to get a strong enough first pedal. You lost the race because of that.