Tuesday, May 5, 2009

#993 Cleaning sunglasses

When you're trying to look badass no matter the weather, sunglasses are your main man. However what is not badass is having to pause to take the time to wipe them clear of debris. The jig is up when the ladies see that you are much less appealing without the shades.

#994 Looking forward to an epic movie and it sucking

I waited so long for Watchmen. From when I saw the first teaser trailer, to when I handed $9 to the pimply theater employee, I was pumped. Then it sucked. And I feel cheated of my hopes and dreams.

#995 Dry bread

There's nothing worse than going to the pantry to make a tasty sandwich and having the Wonder Bread be as stale and dry as the Sahara. No mayo or delicious sandwich spread can save it.

Friday, May 1, 2009

#996 Waiting for the shower to warm up

There are few things worse than standing naked and cold, hoping that the shower water will warm up before you die of hypothermia. As the seconds creep by, goose bumps form. Hair stands on end.
Stepping into the hot water almost makes it worth it.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

#997 Renting a movie and having the wrong movie inside

So after quickly ducking in to my friendly local Video Port and grabbing the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, I head back to my house where a group of friends are waiting. I arrive and they sigh in relief. I triumphantly open the case to throw the disc into the player and see that I'm actually holding a copy of "Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie." The night is ruined because of me.

#998 When someone depressurizes the swivel chair that you're sitting on

Two reasons why this sucks:
1. Now you're lower than everyone else.
2. It requires you to stand up to fix it--completely negating why you were in the chair to begin with.

What a prick.

#999 Grabbing a dirty cup instead of a clean one

You burst into the kitchen. It's a fiery inferno outside and the only thing you want more than eternal life is lemonade. After ripping the fridge door open and removing the pitcher, you reach for a glass on the counter that you thought just came out of the dishwasher. Right as you are about to pour, you notice milk residue on the bottom of the cup. Your thirst intensifies. Your day is ruined.